Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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