I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
