Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
