Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize