I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I forgot how hot balto sounded
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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