Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
