I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
