I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
