My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
