Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
