I'm jealous of your bromance
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
is wine microwaveable?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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