i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
