The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
