well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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