apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Randomize
