Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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