I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
