I want you more than these girls want KFC
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
