You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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