I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
