At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
