Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
It's Friday. Sex?
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize