Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
