The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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