Heybabeimwearingurpanties
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
