All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
