Kiss
Puke
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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