Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
