so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
