thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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