I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize