ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
