so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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