her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
