I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
