OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
