Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
