sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
