Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
