no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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