12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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