Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
