He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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