i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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