just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize