I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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