Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I could fuck to npr.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
