Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
