I think I am morally bankrupt
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
