Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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