It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
