This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
