God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
