dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
