I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Is it penis luge time yet?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
