yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
