I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
wanna go halves on a baby?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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