I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
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