My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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