i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
