So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
