I think I just saw someone hide a body.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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