I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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