Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
