Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
