i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
