We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
