I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
