we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
